It all started with a divorce and what I percieved as true affection and love…

How does your writing and creative process work?

This blog was solely inspired to get my thoughts and reflections on what happened to me into a format I could revise as I remembered incidents and occasions from the chronology of events.

What are you working on at the moment?

www.Care4bullied.com A project designed to raise awareness of bullying of all types. From my research I have determined that the people who defraud are bullies, the tactics used and the deception was same for the marriage fraud and the mortgage fraud and other bullying I have experienced.

Tools used by all bullies are basically the same, they have different names, genres etc. But the targets they go after the tactics they use are essentially the same.

They want to achieve their objective regardless of the harm (physical, emotional, financial) it has on the target.

My objective is education, prevention, provide awareness and recovery solutions for victims of any kind of bullying.

Why do you write or create what you do?

To make others aware of the pervasive impact of deception, be it romantic or other deception caused by way of force by the perpetrator of the fraud.

Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts (or suicide itself), PTSD and a host of other outcomes are the result and damage to individuals.

How does your work differ from others in your genre?

I believe it is different as it broadens the spectrum of fraud from the romantic/intimate to the entire range those who perpetrate these crimes against their fellow humans. Intra-species predators are difficult for any living animal to deal with.

As humans we the unique ability to learn and teach others about the tactics, behaviours and objectives of these predators.

I was married for 21 years, after year 18 it became a miserable relationship and I tried to figure out how to get free. I eventually got free, my X was a para-legal with connections to the BEST divorce lawyers so I had to tread lightly LOL.

I had decided on my criteria for the next long term relationship, no control issues, accept me for who I am, among other things. I had a couple of “short term” (3 – 4 month) relationships. None of them fit the criteria.

Then my “best friend” said he wanted to take me to Cuba for a great “womanizing” holiday. Sounded like what I needed.

This was my first holiday in over 20 years without my “X”. First night in Havana I met the most gentle, quiet, intelligent, woman I had ever met. I spent the next couple of nights with other woman, but the first woman I met kept coming back to me.

I told my friend I wanted to see her again, he said play the field! I had and wasn’t really thrilled with the past couple of nights so I saw her again. Wow, it was like a drug, magic, whatever you want to call it. I was falling in love…

We went to the beach, dancing (like a white guy), out for dinner. Her grace, poise, respect for others amazed me.

By the end of two weeks I “knew” she was the woman for me….. I told her I wanted to send her money so she wouldn’t have to do what she did on occassion to make money.

On the morning I left to return to Canada she showed me how I could send her money. I told her I loved her. Her response was “Go back to Canada and think about it, you are on a holiday and you better think about this”

As we took off in the plane I wrote a journal entry about how I have met the most amazing, gentle, intelligent, beautiful woman and I was head over heels in love.

The first thing I did when I got back was to call her, we talked for about 1/2 hour in Spanglish.

It was November 2005 when met, just after Katrina had ravaged the Carribean and the Southern US.

January,February of 2006 brought me much grief, I was laid off, my mother passed away and my 2nd vehicle was written off by some drunken teenagers.

She was there, supportive, caring (as much as possible over the phone) all along the way.

Another friend who had been to Cuba wanted to learn Spanish so he could better communicate when he was in there. I joined him in classes and became “not bad” in Spanish.

I called her every week, it was the highlight of my week. The cost of calling Cuba is significant so I kept it down to 1/2 hour weekly, which still added up to $120/month.

As the months went by I realized more and more I wanted her in my life full time. I looked into bringing her here on a visitor visa, but 95% of those were declined, Canada did not want refugees, my only option was to marry her.

When my divorce papers were in my hands (July 2006) I called her and asked her to marry me, to which said yes. Even today, almost seven years later it still makes me happy to think of that day.

I had to get my birth certificate and my divorce certificate translated and notarized to send to the Cuban embassy in Toronto. This was no easy task, the Cuban embassy is about as responsive as an earth worm, but determination and passion won.

I was self employed at the time with my own, somewhat succesful Landscaping and Renovation company.

With one employee I “trusted” to finish the work we started, I left to get married in October 2006.

When I returned he had stolen my Truck and $5,000. I was left with a mess and recovered as best I could. All indications from my “wife” in Cuba were supportive.

With my finances in a shambles I did my best to recover.

When visiting her the first 3 times I always went to where she lived then we went to a Casa Particular (B&B). In 2007-8 she said wanted her own apartment as the people she lived with were abusing her belongings. I did EVERYTHING possible to support her in this.

BUT, on subsequent visits I never saw the apartment, she made excuses and I “bought” them. I was particularly suspicious when I purchased a Kitchen Table and Dresser for “her” apartment, I suggested grabbing a taxi and taking it to her place. She declined saying lets take it to her godfather’s place as he has a car and can take it there for me. When I left from that trip she was crying. I “thought” it was seeing me leave, I realized it was just a ploy to make me think that. As you can tell I was being played, very well by someone I trusted implicitly.

Many years later after she was in Canada (been almost 3 years) she started telling me stories about her faith “Santeria”, about how those baptized must do what the spirits say. Stories such as people dying by not following instructions. Then, she started having dreams, not sleeping well. Finally I asked to call her godmother to sort this out.

This was the beginning of the end. Her godmother told her (she told me) we had to divorce or else something very bad would happen to one of us and she didn’t want that to happen. 2 years later we are finally completing the divorce. She in the mean time has permanent resident status. Not a citizen yet.

I discovered through intense investigation into her background (text messages, emails, Facebook and other sources) she was living a double life with a guy she called her brother. I asked early on why I never heard about this guy before, she claimed he told their mother he was gay and disowned him. He left and changed his name (nice story). This was the guy who was her “boy toy” she even posted on her Facebook page (it is still there) a picture of them together where she says simply “Mi amor”.

I have since studied in depth the behavior of Socio/Psychopaths and Narcissists. She fit it the behavior perfectly. During the course of recovery from this “Love Fraud” I have set many traps, including a divorce in Canada which will not be valid in Cuba – so she cannot marry him there. Also CBSA has a complete record of everything I found (they said the chances of deporting her were minimal and “She had fulfilled her wifely duties”, so now it is up to me. But CBSA also said they will be scrutinizing her attempts to sponsor anyone coming to Canada

Divorce my style, no support, signing off on dower rights to my house and working toward having her travel to Cuba when her Permanent Resident card expires leaving her stranded in Cuba with the only way back a “Travel Document”, she must have many documents to support this document including the original marriage certificate and explaining how she got into Canada, what she has while here etc etc.

The best laid plans did not work out to strand her without recourse because of her ability to seduce and convince anyone she is authentic. To this day I amazed at how people fall for the charm, the elegance, the (fake) substance she exudes.

I am smarter, way more careful, observant of behaviours and contradictions in those behaviours catching people in their lies.

Be aware, be educated about social predators, they “walk among us”, 1 in 25 people have this trait.

Lucky me, I encountered two, the friend who took me to Cuba the first time also tried (through mortgage fraud) to steal my house, and the second one stole my heart, pounced on it and left devoid of romantic interest.